I’m a 30-year-old woman, I faked my own death after years of abuse and here’s what I discovered.
Well, discovered is a bit rich considering I faked it exactly because I wanted to check an outcome I was already sure about.
My boyfriend and I have been in on-off relationship for four years, two after having met each other. I have come to accept he is a narcissist, someone who will mistreat you and gaslight you when you can’t text back within the following two minutes but once you do contact him – and you are SUPPOSED to always contact him first – ignoring you for a week, two weeks, maybe more… until the day he replies with a mere “ok” or “I see”; if you don’t text him the following two days afterwards because clearly, it looks like he doesn’t want to hear from you, he will get mad “where the fuck are you?!”, and your saying there is no rule saying if he wants to know about you he can’t send a message first is only going to attract more anger and hatred, together with stupid comments and claims on his part which will go like, “I was the last one sending a message, it’s your turn!” (yes, said “message” is the “I see” he sent after two or three weeks I mentioned earlier).
Recently, I’d asked him to make some time for me since he was working but didn’t have classes to attend for the time being; his curt reply was “I don’t know when that will be” (that he would find time to spare for me), and I simply decided not to start an argument and told myself that maybe his part-time job was stressful enough and he wanted to spend some time with his friends now that he was on Winter break from university and I should respect that (I was never the priority, I am used to being pushed back). This time around though I grew tired quickly of never getting a reply and, I am ashamed to say, I turned into a narcissist myself! Here’s what I did: I created a fake account claiming I was a friend of mine and let it grow, added people and got added so that it didn’t look suspicious… until it was ready and I added him on my make-believe social media account; I slowly made friends with him, my way of texting was different, my opinions were sometimes the same as my actual own while some other times they’d differ greatly… and he bought on that. He was always free to talk with this new girl and I even came to discover he had a different job from what he’d told me, so he’d either lied or switched to a completely different job without wanting to share with his girlfriend and yet it was cool to tell a complete stranger! This went on for weeks and still, his girlfriend (ME) ‘s messages kept being ignored, he wasn’t even checking notifications (not only wasn’t he replying, he wasn’t even bothering to read my texts to begin with). Two months went by seamlessly and he seemed to enjoy this friend’s virtual company (no matter the time- HE WAS THERE TO REPLY TO HER; be it night, day, at his workplace, at home, while he was with his friends… she was included in the picture). The funny thing is he didn’t even care about the chance the girl, being my friend, might say something and have me discover he wasn’t actually that buried under loads of everyday chores.
Fast-forward to a few weeks later- my messages were still unread and I’d stopped sending any in for the past four weeks because, what was the point? My “friend” kept having the time of her life getting to know a different him I personally had never even heard of! At this point, I decided to play it even more ugly: I staged my own death. Yes, I know, you think I am a psycho… you have no idea how he turned me into such a psychopath. I used to be the “okay, whatever you say” type, at that! But no further digressing… I staged my own death.
It was all well orchestrated, no one could have told it was fake. I even had my friend publish this or that sad post about me ending up in the ER and being in a critical situation, together with reminiscences of time spent together for years for an entire week… and those were the only posts by her he didn’t care to put a like/a comment to. Complete strangers showed support even though they had no idea who the girl she was going in about was- yet he didn’t and kept spending the time of his life with friends et cetera. At the end of the week my “friend” finally posted a long message concerning the awful loss she was experiencing and explaining in detail what kind of person I was and what and how I had regrettably died to. It’s been five days and my boyfriend keeps being online at any time of the day and night, commenting on his friends’ pictures and liking my friend’s older posts and photos (I got permission from an actual friend of mine who’s been urging me to never get back with him anymore for a couple of years already and was ecstatic at the idea of finally proving to me he’s never going to give a fuck about me and never has).