Fears

Fears

Fears.
The first time I heard “face your fears”, I was seven years old watching cartoon in my parents living room.
I decided there and then that I was going to do that. The next day at school, I stood up to my bully shakily and said a timid “No” when he asked for my fruit shaped eraser.The ruckus that ensued alerted the teacher and we were both punished.
However, from that day onward, he avoided me. I felt powerful. I felt I could do anything.
As I grew older, my fear grew with me, I was afraid of speaking in public so I joined the debate team, stammering through every session with my heartbeat going at 200bpm. ( Beats per minute).
I was elected class captain and then head girl and i had to address large number of students, which helped a bit.
I hated failing, that was my biggest fear and still is, which is not healthy. Writing my SSCE exams, I would stay up for days on end reading, barely eating that I later had to be drug-induced to sleep.
My first inkling of failure came when I didn’t get my desired course of study in the university. I had gotten into the university on my first trial, but I missed the cut off mark for my desired course (medicine and surgery).
I would never forget my mum and aunts telling me it’s okay not to get what you want everytime. At 16, I didn’t believe that, I believed you can get anything you want.
l would pray for days and I even promised God five thousand naira, which was a lot to me then if he changed my cut-off mark, but God doesn’t accept bribe, neither is he a magician.
I changed my course to Veterinary medicine and that was the best decision I made. I discovered with time, that even though gory sights doesn’t scare me, I much prefer to be around animals.
Each exam I’ve taken in Vet has been preceded by fear, hope, sleepless nights and thankfully ended in praises.
I’ve failed in some aspects in life, but it doesn’t scare me anymore. I look for the lessons in them now trying to better myself.
As a soon to be licensed Veterinarian, my fear is for the future now, so I remind myself to breath and stay calm.
However the one fear I’ve not been able to shake of is that of Poverty and death.
Poverty because my family, especially my mum sacrificed a lot for me, and I’d love to spoil her immensely.
Death because it’s the checkmate, the ultimate game changer to end all games.
I try not to be afraid though, I stay calm, drink water, with a smile plastered on my face daily.
Because the fear of failure, is the beginning of failure.

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