If food were people, ęba and ewedu would be couple. I don’t have to say it because then you already know that ęba would be the husband and ewedu, the wife. Meat and fish would be their accompanied kids. How stereotypical we are. 


Is it gonna be a nuclear family? Eh! Did I hear you say yes? You dare not. Where would we put ęfø(vegetable), ila (okro), gbęgiri (grinded brand’s soup) and the other soups? They are the other wives. What I don’t know is who should be the iyale(first wife) or the iyawo (last wife). 


In the world of food, especially Nigerian delicacy, generosity is a common virtue. That is why ęba will graciously part with any of his wives for his other friends like amala, iyan, fufu and semo to take to social events. Then in the end, we wonder who the real husband is.


They are kings in their rural settlement, boasting of their different plantations, ęba and fufu of there large acres of cassava plantation, iyan and amala are major dealers in yam, semo… Ęba always love to boast of his heir, garri.


In the urban cities, where corruption is king, you find gay marriages like rice and beans, beans and bread, dodo and egg because we can’t tell which one is the boy and which one is the girl. Beans and bread are like two males dating each other while dodo and egg seems to me like the other relationship.


I have known beans particularly to be a rascal. A prominent character in the great halls of UI. Jumping from one hot plate to another, and when you thought you’ve seen it all, the baluba kingdom and the only living hall host a party and beans is their guest of honor. They even name the occasion after him, or it, who knows.


Then we have the spoiled brats like chicken and chips, indomitables and the likes. They are soft and weaklings who couldn’t survive the survival of the fittest.


So I was in a world where foods were people and I thought it was real until I woke up and I realized I fell asleep while hungry. My soaked garri was still beside me shaking its head.

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