”I don’t see a regular horse.” I tsk. ”Let alone one with wings.”
”Not with that attitude, you won’t.” His reply is undeniably snide.
I can’t, for the life of me, understand why. I’m the one who gets him the most when it comes to this stuff. For the first time, I don’t see what he sees and he’s snarky about it. Ugh!
”I’m headed back in.” He sighs. ”We’ve been trying for hours.”
I can almost smell the disappointment. Who would have thought the one constellation that I can’t see is one that he absolutely loves.
”Are you coming?” He asks me as he throws his now stuffed backpack behind him.
”Uhm…” I glance at him and then back at the stars that had my focus before. ”I’ll meet you inside.”
”Okay then, baby.” He moves in and plants a kiss on my forehead.
Warmth floods my veins and my muscles relax. Why was I so convinced he was mad at me?
”It’ll get cold soon and I want you inside before then.” He says, walking toward the tent.
”Yes, daddy.” I affirm.
I can’t go in yet. I have to make sure I’m not a disappointment to my father. I know I might be too hard on myself. He loves me. I feel it in the small gestures like his forehead kisses. Whether or not I can see a stupid horse in the sky won’t change that. I hope.
I stare at the stars for a while switching between having my glasses on and off. Honestly, it doesn’t make any difference.
”You look with your heart. Not your eyes.” Daddy once told me.
I was complaining about the fact that my glasses were home and he wanted us to see Capricornus. It really mattered to me that I properly see our birth constellation. My brothers never cared much about constellations. They were especially nonchalant about this one since they weren’t Capricorns like daddy and I.
I wish I could see the stupid horse.
I mutter to myself after staring for what felt like an hour.
”Technically, that shouldn’t be granted since you said ’stupid’.” I hear a voice grumble.
It’s not my dad. I know his voice anywhere. The ones he makes when mimicking included.
I look around in search of the owner of the voice. Did I imagine that? I scoff quietly and look back up at the stars. Did they…move? I notice some of the stars getting closer. Is the sky falling? Is Armageddon finally here? Do I call my dad? What the hell is dad supposed to do about the sky falling? We can hold hands or something. Final moments together and that kinda thing. I get up, ready to bolt as soon as I feel more threatened. What could be more threatening than the sky flattening me like pizza dough? Well, there could be bad guys with a gun. Dear overthinking, this is not the time for you to kick in. I close my eyes, trying to get a grip on reality.
I open my eyes and look back up. Some stars are gone. The brightest ones, actually. The ones daddy told me to connect. I scoff.
”Yeah, of course. Scoff. Major stars just stop twinkling and you scoff. You might be my favourite one yet.”
I’m ready to accept that I imagined the voice, but I can’t. It’s right behind me. I feel hot breath against my neck. Oh my god! Is this one of those creepy perverts that hide out. I cross my arms over my chest as the instinct to protect my body takes over.
”Calm your tits. Literally.” The voice chuckles. ”I’m not interested. You’re not that bad though.”
I want to turn around so badly but I can’t. My feet are stuck in place and I can’t decide if it’s because of confusion or downright horror. I don’t need to figure it out though because he’s turning. I catch something from the corner of my eye. Are those feathers? The clip-clop of hooves makes this situation even more unbelievable.
”P-P-Pegasus?” I stutter.
”Yes, baby.” He replies. ”That’s what that man called you, right?”
My breath hitches. I swallow. I don’t know what’s more unbelievable, the fact that I’ve never seen white so pristine or the fact that there’s a horse out here and he has wings. There’s also the fact that he talks. You know what? All of it. All of it is unbelievable.
”Am I here?” I’m interrupted.
I swallow as I nod.
”You made a wish.” He answers.
I notice his mouth isn’t moving. I wonder how he’s talking to me but conclude that it’s actually the least of my problems.
”What?” I ask, unsure of what I’m actually addressing.
”You mean ’Why your wish’?”
I nod. Any answer is welcome right now.
”Well, you deep down wish to attain everything I represent. Wisdom, creativity. You strive for those.” He explains. ”Freedom. That’s the most important one. You could have all of the others but without the freedom to actually express all of it, well, you wish it too, so, you know what I’m talking about.”
”Baby?” I hear my father’s voice in the distance. ”It’s getting cold.”
My body shivers as if to prove my father’s right.
”I’ll be in right now.” I say as loudly as I can.
”I have to go right now.” I say, packing up my mat and other belongings. ”You can’t come with me.”
”Obviously.” There’s sarcasm in his voice.
How can a horse be sarcastic?
”How do I see you tomorrow?” I ask, swinging my bag over my shoulder.
”How’d you see me today?” His wings spread open as he asks.
He looks so majestic in this form. I barely have time to take all his beauty in because he jets into the sky and explodes into a bunch of tiny pieces, all of which start to twinkle. The stars are back and the sky isn’t terrifyingly close anymore.
I say to myself. The stars forming the constellation shine brighter, giving me conviction. I can finally see it, Pegasus. I see the horse and the wings.
I smile to myself knowing that I wished to see the constellation properly. I make my way to our tent. On the short walk, I think about the fact that a flying horse grants my wishes.
The saying starts: ’If wishes were horses…’ but I don’t need the ’if’. My wishes are a horse, and I ride Pegasus.