Because I promised myself I would. And I think this is a great way to fulfill my promise while making sure I also carry out my responsibilities. Am I tired of ‘having to’? Definitely! But do I ‘have to’ anyway?
Well, I feel like, if I convince myself that it’s more for me than it’s for anyone else, it’s a different kind of ‘having to’. So, here I am, doing just that. I think the app is the problem. It’s different when I write in my notes app. It’s different when I write with a pen in the notebook I put next to my bed. This app just reminds me that I’m not doing it for me. It reminds me that I have to submit. Soon. On a deadline set either by myself or by someone else. There’s also the fact that it highlights my typos. My mistakes. So, I’m trying – even though I try not to – edit as I write. When I’m not writing in this app, I know I don’t have to do it for anyone else. I know I can always go back to it. I know that the story is just mine. But this one isn’t, and that’s what makes it so tasking.
I do like this though. Knowing I have written one more thing. Would I have written anything at all today without that reminder? I believe I would. In my notes app. I promised myself three days ago. I usually try to keep my promises to myself for longer than three days. I typically start failing after about a week. So, yes, I probably would have written. But not about this. Not in this way. Probably more honest? But not this kind of honest.
So, today, I’m glad I wrote. It’s a different kind of writing I had forgotten I could write. This catharsis. Writing for me as well as for not for me. I wrote today, and hopefully, tomorrow I will write.
I will write.