Everytime I try to speak about my predicament, no one ever wants to listen. I don’t know why they all find it hard to believe that I’ve been assaulted countless times by the one who should be protecting me.
I sit in the corner of my room and reminisce on how it all started. It hurts me to think that the man who should be protecting me and shielding me from all the harms which may come my way was the one who defiled me and ripped me of my innocence.
My mother had gone to the hospital to see her sister who was hospitalized. Her sister had cancer and the only help she could render was show her solidarity support by staying by her as she breathed her last breath.
She left me at home, in the company of my loving stepfather. We both trusted him with all we had. In the middle of the night, daddy walked into my room and started caressing my chest. I was shocked. I asked him what he was doing and he responded by showing me a knife he had picked from the kitchen. He threatened to kill me if I didn’t let him have his way with me. With a knife to my neck, he made me take off all my clothes. Then he asked me to seductively take his clothes off too. I had no choice. I did all he asked me and whenever I tried to revolt, he would press the knife hard on my skin and hit me with a stick. He made me put his large penis in my mouth. Daddy did horrible things to me that I cannot begin to relay.
After all the foreplay, He asked me to bring the Goya oil on my reading table. The Goya oil my mother used to bless all of us. With my hands shaking vehemently, I handed the bottle of Goya oil to him. He then asked me to bend over. I remember the feel of oil dropping on my bum and a sharp pain. I screamed as loud as I could but he wouldn’t take his penis out of my butt hole. He told me to enjoy it. He told me to find pleasure in the pain. He said the whiteman called it anal sex. I was hearing that word for the first time in my life. I cried and begged him to let me be but he just wouldn’t listen. And when he was done, he pulled his oil filled penis out and shoved it in my mouth till I choked. Daddy released his semen in my mouth, causing me to get nauseated. I threw up on his clothes. When he was done, he made me wash the clothes and mop the floor. For days, I couldn’t sleep or sit. I was scared.
I tried telling mummy about it but she always returned home tired from the stress of running around getting medications for her sister.
After 3 months of running around, mummy’s twin sister passed on. This wrecked her completely. She resorted to taking alcohol. She would get drunk and mess the whole house up. And then, she had to travel to give her mother, my grandmother moral support.
Daddy was still coming to my room. It soon became a ritual for daddy to come into my room to give me anal sex. After a while, I got used to it. Even before he would come to my room, I would have oiled my butt hole for easy entry. Now, like he said, I’m enjoying the pleasure in the pain. And today, to celebrate my 18th birthday, after we finished as usual, I leaned in and kissed my stepfather.
I can not stop thinking about the kiss. What have I made of myself? Who do I tell my tale to? Who would believe that my stepfather, for three years, has been raping me, his stepson? Who would even believe that there are bisexual men in Nigeria? Who would believe that there are paedophiles who defile young teenage boys? Who would believe me? No one will believe me. Will you?