Visibility scares me.

Visibility scares me.

I have been binge-watching The Bold  Type for a while now and I’m at this episode that makes you think and admit harsh truths to yourself. Mine is that I’m scared of visibility but I also want people to see what I’m doing or at least reach an audience. I’m at a crossroad basically. I would feel weird if I wrote something and nobody reads and if I wrote something and it attracts a lot of attention, it scares me. I have, over time been devising means to deal with this thing by writing anonymously, writing under different names or just running away when I write with my actual name and people like it. I shouldn’t be doing this.

Amongst other things, I’m scared I’d write something wrong or say something that’d put me in a position I’m not ready for or I just make people expect some sort of things from me which in turn may put pressure on me. I must say that I do not like pressure. It stresses me out so I flee from all of the appearances of pressure.

Becoming 21 didn’t come with a wake-up call or anything but I just want to stop running. I have a whole lot to write about, stories to tell and at the bottom of it all, I really should admit that I like writing. It’s hot in this room but because I’m typing away while listening to music isn’t making me feel the heat like I would on a normal day. That’s a testament right there.

In conclusion, this is probably my 50th attempt at having a writing space I’m going to stick to. I hope I don’t run away when I get visibility and when I don’t. Cheers to that, I think.

 

cover picture credit – KIM SALT on Behance

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