The relationship is coming to a halt, you both decide that it is better to take a break from each other, sometimes to resolve any built-up problems and you call it quits.
Your daily routine has changed now. instead of waking up to a call from them, you get up without one. No trace of their belongings in your house, nor your heart. You look into the mirror, take a deep breath followed by a sigh.
And a smile.
For you do know that this is a start of a new chapter. A new relationship where you and yourself are partners. So, you do the following; get up from your empty bed, wash up and make breakfast. The pancakes you love, a way to treat yourself to something nice, followed by a warm cup of coffee.
At this time, you would already be talking to your partner about how well you slept over the phone. But this time, you won’t. And that is alright. You are alright.
You gather all your gifts and anything related to the trace of their scent and gather them in a box. You let the air freshener do its work in erasing their scent from everywhere.
A break up does not mean that your life should tremble. You are the same you, just without someone you considered something to you at some point in your life.
Breakups are universally known to be terrible, and handling them with compassion only will shake something in you and you will find yourself questioning love and your own self-confidence. You are the one who chooses how to set an ending to this story. Even when guilt finds a way to twirl around your sadness. We got used to feeling like any end is a failure.
During the time you set to yourself to move on, you are allowed to feel inconsolable.
The best way to deal with a breakup is to let yourself heal.
And for the love of god, do not call them.
Or get a “break-up hair cut”
You really do not want to get bangs for the first time ever in your life when you are an adult
You are allowed to grieve and feel your heartache whenever you think of them. In Rupi Kaur’s book Milk and Honey, she wrote something about breakups that I almost never seem to forget:
“perfect the art of nodding and smiling when someone brings their name up in a conversation”
Heart-touching and real, right?
She also shared other to-do list tips after a breakup:
1) take refuge in your bed
2) cry till the tears stop (this will take a few days)
3) delete his number from your phone even though it is memorized on your finger-tips.
4) find the closest ice-cream shop and treat yourself to 2 scoops of mint chocolate chips. The mind will calm your heart, you deserve the chocolate.
Take this time to build close relationships with the ones you truly love. Your friends and family. You will distract yourself from thinking about your ex in doing so. Plan outings with them, go to new places, or even travel.
Avoid analyzing everything they post over-social media. Facebook and Instagram are the deadliest places to be at when it comes to a break-up for you will stumble upon memories or photos the two of you shared. It is not unkind to follow them or even block them. You are doing a favor to yourself and your mental health.
“Isn’t it funny how the memories you cherish before a breakup can become your worst enemies afterward? The thoughts you loved to think about, the memories you wanted to hold up to the light and view from every angle–it suddenly seems a lot safer to lock them in a box, far from the light of day, and throw away the key. It’s not an act of bitterness. It’s an act if self-preservation. It’s not always a bad idea to stay behind the window and look out at life instead, is it?”
― Allyson Braithwaite Condie, First Day
And finally, forgive.
We do not forgive others; we forgive for ourselves. For the mistakes, we have made in the relationship and to forgive the other person.
Holding grudges are no use. Let go of the bitterness and eventually, you will move on.