Why do most of us feel like our lives are not in our hands? Why do we feel that the desires we have are pipe dreams? That the way we visualize about going through our days never quite goes to plan?The way we expect our employer’s to respond to our work is a mirage at best and at worst a naive depiction of amateurish thought.
We depend on control
Remember when we woke up on time. Made all the right decisions right after waking up and were harshly interrupted right after that warm up? Well most times when we plan out our days in our mind, we never see interruptions. We don’t even expect them. We see a world where we move all the levers and the machine that the world is responds to us.
What we chose not to see, is that though the levers are in our hands the consequences of our choices is not. Think about it this way, you can choose to wake up and exercise for a full year hoping to lose 10 kilograms by the end of the year. Despite the fact that you maybe very consistent losing 10 kilograms may not be the direct result of your working out. The factors that control that result may be biological and genetic. To mean that how your mind perceives a future reality is 9/10 times distorted.
We need to accept that we are not in control. We need to stop valuing it. We need to understand that life is not only a fabric of our mental creations. Such that when things like a morning routine don’t go to plan, we don’t beat ourselves up. We don’t through accusatory glances towards the people who caused you to not exercise. We instead chose to smile about the fact that life does not always flow out like your schedule. When it does not let’s be flexible and learn from the experience. When it does let’s be grateful and embrace the experience.
We are objective
When you tell your mom that you exercise is more important than you cleaning up a mistake you left in the kitchen over night, you always think you are right and she is wrong. How many times have you felt that way? If you are living this reality of life, probably more than you are able to count. Counting the number of times you wished everyone could just get it the way you do!
They do get it, but they get it the way they do. When you are there thinking why can’t they see your reality they are there simultaneously thinking why can’t you get their’s? Every single time you say you are right and they are wrong, the other party in the group feels the very same way.
With wisdom, we are therefore obliged to sometimes stop and say,i could be wrong. What is the other reality that i am interacting with? The moment you stop to do this, is the moment you start appreciating such situations. Since rather than get your way, which is the control paradigm. You start wanting to co-create a combined way forward. A way that looks at both realities and frustrates none. Therefore not frustrating you or the other person.
The perspective change turns every interruption interaction into an opportunity to engage with a new point of view. Which becomes enjoyable. It makes you understand others better. Which in the end leads you to actually having less interruptions in the long run. As the people around you start to want to treat you the way you treat them. Since human beings are hardwired to reciprocate.
Imagine you could seat down at any restaurant table , invincible, what do you think every conversation will involve? The weather? The traffic jam? Something stupid someone famous did? Some form of maltreatment you received?
When bad things happen to us, we use speaking about them as a form of therapy. However there is a huge difference between bad things and things we could not honestly do anything about. How difficult is it for you to experience a traffic jam and actually visualize a day when the traffic was great? How many more people would you need to tell that traffic was bad for you to feel better about it?
The answer is endless. The complain therapy never ends. Every time you speak about a problem you experienced you experience it a new. The emotions you got at that moment resurface again. If 90% of your day is spent complaining about what did not work we should not be shocked to feel that our lives are at the mercy of these things.
Talk about it. Think about it. It becomes what dominates you. You end up feeling controlled by it and don’t understand why. Stop number one to figure out this puzzle?Listen to yourself speak for a day!
So the next time you have a day out of hell access your relationship with these key things; your desire for control, your perception of objectivity and your language. These are the real chains of feeling controlled. Many of us will say its normal to do all these things. If its normal it does not mean it is right !