My Funeral

My Funeral

MY FUNERAL
The bells were too loud and the choristers were going on and on, I have never been to church and honestly if I had, I probably would have quit a long time ago. This would be my first time in church. But unfortunately, I didn’t go there myself and to make mattes worse it was a funeral.
Nope, I’m not the woman dressed in black with puffy eyes. And oh, I’m not amongst the men dressed in black like they were auditioning to be hit men in an Hollywood movie.
I’m that guy who has all the attention. The guy in the very front with cotton wool stuffed in his nose and mouth to avoid swelling (like I cared) and his hands clasped in white gloves.
Yeah, you got it? I’m the star of the moment, the reason why everyone is here; the guy in the coffin overloaded with different weird scents and surrounded with ugly looking flowers.
My funeral was planned in a hurry, nobody expected my death (well I didn’t). They buried me in a Versace and it itches like hell. The stench from the incense was overpowering but I couldn’t complain, no one would hear.
The reverend just keeps on going on and on about how I was resting in the bosom of the lord. I’m beside him right now screaming “I’m right here”. He probably can’t hear me.
The church is filled to the brim and I’m asking myself if I knew this much people and if they cared.
Tessa is here too and she is as beautiful as ever. She’s looking straight at me with those eyes I fell in love with but she can’t see me. Most of my friends are here. Some are still in shock while others are stifling tears. But they all have one thing in common; grief. That’s my “passed unto glory” banner at the back of the auditorium. Heaven knows I was hotter than that but these horrible graphic designers made me look sickly.
Wondering how I got here? By ‘here’, I mean this wooden box my body would be calling home for a long time. Well I insisted on driving myself home even though I knew I was heavily drunk. I collided with a truck on third mainland bridge. Obviously didn’t make it, so here I was watching my own funeral.

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