Day 14 – Road Not Taken
She only requested a thing from me, commensurate, and an ever-expanding share of what she felt for me. I first couldn’t deal with it and then it became a case of me not being able to handle it. Now I’m trying to equivocally suppress the thoughts precipitating from my mind. Guilt? Regret? Frustration? Or a swarm of all miserable expressions etched within my body.
I always made sure I got to school early, a couple of few seconds before the period of lecture, but then I will purposefully slot myself at an edge of the back door, where of course was the entrance for most people. Only the nerds and dorks loved the front door. I wasn’t the only one that had a soft spot for hanging around the back door, a few of my friends too, which many referred to us as the notorious clique. I wasn’t notorious I just had a peer pressure effect. Our mission was simple. Observe our classmates that made their way to class, most especially, the females. We made a screening on things like outfits, make-up, and looks. We taunted most people while some just shrugged off out meaningless chants.
I made my presence felt wherever my cologne always soaked up about a 5-meter circumference from wherever I stood. I also never let down my swagger, my feet were heavy, framed in a walk of majesty. I was the real deal and I didn’t need a notification for that.
Being a jellyfish on the inside but always wanting to fit into the “bad boys” tag, I achieved my feigned status and of course, easily became a priceless wish for any girl in my class. I received countless advances in forms of eye seduction, obsessive phone calls, messages, and even anonymous letters. I declined most of these things as I knew I couldn’t handle emotional complications as contrary to how they all saw me.
Sharon was one of those who put me on her radar, in fact, she was the orchestrator of whatever anonymous letter I usually found on my desk or a few which made its way to my bag without my slightest awareness. I got to know all this the night we both walked home. It was unprecedented, I ran into her after a soccer game with my pals, it was already nightfall, she probably had it all planned, either way, it seemed coincidental that evening. As two people who rarely shared a hi, it was bizarre that she could just suddenly pour out all she felt the moment we approached a silent portion of a desolate street. I was struck stunned but I tried to be the “bad boy” that I am. The end of the night saw us both kiss and me walking her down-home en route to my house.
Since then, it had been endless meetings between me and Sharon, we performed all form of romantic and sexual treats, for me it was gaining a part of what made me feel empty amidst my clique, I was always criticized for not being able to handle a woman but now, I was seen as a man. Sharon loved me deeply, it was raw and I could feel it in everything flowing through her, but tasting Sharon and the sugary crumbs of romance warranted me to demand for a larger chunk. I wanted more. I soon acted in a repulsive way towards her and chased for exploration.
Sharon even tried to cope with my promiscuous self, despite the damage it had on her heart. But then, I wanted none of her anymore, she was expired to me. I broke her. She even left school and I didn’t care, for me, it was safe that way, she never had to pester me again.
7 years after leaving university, I still find myself here, deprived of a proper romantic life. Sharon and her husband were both regulars on a TV show branded about support in marital life. Sharon was the owner of the biggest cosmetic store in town and she used her wealth to uplift her husband, who now worth twice than her. I diverted my soul from what was undoubtedly true and bound to last. Sharon was willing to be with me forever. I felt it everyday and every time. Even after I went nuts over women, she did her best but I ruined it with my own hands.
# 31-day writing challenge