Sitting alone in a lonely place, that one thought kept crossing my mind.
End it all, to make the world happy.
Don’t get me wrong, I still have friends like Deji who seem to care about me but really, how on earth am I supposed to keep on bothering the poor being. He’s probably not the only one that cares but somehow it all boils down to me.
They all say the best thing to do isn’t to end it. Suicide isn’t the best option. They keep telling me that I’m not the first to experience this, and the other facts that my depressed brain cannot afford to entertain.
They say every man is unique in his own right, yet the same set of people keep saying you are not the first to experience these things. If I am the only version of me and that same me is going through what seems like a general catastrophe, I beg to say that I remain the first and only version of persons with my kind of problem.
I should talk to the people around me, they are ready to listen. I could see a therapist. I could do a whole lot of things to get better, to turn my back to the all so ready companion; death.
But the truth is I can’t do any of those. Well, until I’m able to balance the uniqueness of me in a way that conquers the extraneous feelings and thoughts that invade my sanity.
Until then, no matter how much therapy, talks or whatever I do or listen to, they will only serve as a sieve used to separate salt from water. No matter how hard you try or how good the sieve seems to be, until heat is applied and the water is allowed to evaporate, all efforts will keep on going down the drain.
Today I stand before you, a survivor they’ll say, an innovator I’ll argue. Not your regular type of innovator with the tech developments, business strategies and a whole lot of others but the kind that found a way to be happy, a way to bring out the good in her uniqueness. A uniqueness that seemed to be overlooked.
So how did I do it? Amidst all the chaos of life, the thoughts in my head, the memories that kept on exploring my sanity, I innovated my own happiness. Hells! It was really hard, being a good version of myself that could positively impact my society when my whole being felt hazy?!.
It took a whole lot of shutting my default thought out. Yeah, I call it default because at that point in time, no matter how perfect my life or the day seems, those “wrong” thoughts lovingly warm their way into my heart like Cupid’s arrow.
In your pursuit for happiness, the first thing is to find that one thing that temporarily dissuade you from your thoughts, that one thing that gives a beacon. Such thing or act or attitude is what I call the uniqueness in you.
It could be writing, talking, cooking, painting, dressing up, it could be the most unthought of sort of things, the point is find whatever it is.
Sometimes it’s kind of hard to find such things, hence it may become imperative to talk to idea experts in form of therapists, counsellors and the likes or “semi-experts” in form of friends, families and colleagues. It’s just going to be like asking these people for what they think you love doing, then filtering it in your head to know if it’s actually true. Find exactly what makes you happy, then use it as your distraction.
Focus on doing such things till all that is left in you is happiness. The importance of family and friends cannot be overemphasized but if they are the cause of your unhappiness, tell them. If that doesn’t work, keep off. You could talk to a stranger that you’ll most likely never meet again, it helps releasing so much tension.
Sometimes you might have to change your look and/or mode of dressing because depression, abuse and thoughts of suicide comes with low self esteem.
Focusing on your own uniqueness to the exclusion of others brings out the best version of you. Suicide seems like a better option but the best option is the you in you.
The best version of you is your uniqueness. It beats the whole promise of eternal bliss by death. It promises a better today, a tantalizing tomorrow and it gives the world the best bet ever. That, that unique being (you) which is not only a limited edition but also the only one of its kind, does not go into extinction.
Victory songs are exclusively for the heroes…
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