Ìyàwó Ògá: Wife of the Boss. Madame of the House.
The past few weeks have had me feeling like becoming a college dropout isn’t such a bad idea. Leaving school prematurely was never an option to be considered but if you added the consistent strike actions from Nigerian public universities, you would understand how appealing it could be. At this point, I could move past feeling like a dropout to actually dropping out.
If I did drop out, there are two plans I have mapped out. It’s either I drop out and work hard, (As the smart girl that I am, I could always do Aspire To Maguire) or I could marry a wealthy old man and become Ìyàwó Oga. Prostitution is not an option here.
Becoming Ìyàwó Oga seems like the easiest option. All I have to do is find my old man, possibly have children for him and be sealed in his will. Being the Boss’ wife also has many perks. Firstly, people respect you for your husband’s sake. You don’t even have to possess any dignity or self worth!
Secondly, you might not have to do any work. Oga has enough money to take care of you and blow on unnecessary soirees. If you are observant like myself, you would have noticed that Iyawo Ogas ALWAYS glow differently! And if you did do any work, you would not have to spend your own money. What a life of bliss! I can think of many women who have scaled up their lives by just marrying the right rich man. I mean, Melania became first lady!
Now that I have settled on the better plan, I would have to consider the type of rich old man I want. Rich. Old. Man. The general term. But you could also have aggressive-rich-old man, educated rich man, passive-rich-old man, inclusive-rich- old man, inclusive-passive-educated -rich old man. Inclusive-passive-rich-old men is the term for men who aren’t stressful to manage and who include their wives into their businesses. This is the type that I desire. If you have watched Kemi Adetiba’s King of Boys movie, you would understand how essential ‘being involved’ is. I need a man that would involve me in his business. It’s the safest way out of regret.
I have tried to think of the cons of being Ìyàwó Oga and I can’t seem to find one, especially if you marry the right rich old man.
Oh wait! Members of the society would call you a gold digging bitch but if that comes with hitting up your university’s Vice Chancellor to grant you a fake certificate one time, I really do not mind.
Getting a university education should not be this gruesome. It’s unfortunate that we have a less than caring government and a failed education system, making young girls like myself consider the option of becoming Ìyàwó Oga.
I do hope it gets better. And if it doesn’t, please hit me up with passive-inclusive-educated rich old men you know.
P.S: Before you call my parents, this is a sarcastic writeup.