The Camouflage

The Camouflage

I’m alive.
I breath, but I wish
every single breathe I take,
Is the last.
I smile, but it never reflects in my eyes.
I laugh, but my heart yearns in pain.

I take a good look at me in the mirror,
And all I see is a shadow of myself
I see cracks and wrinkles,
A version of me I never knew existed.
My own creation,
A beast, a monster.

I’m cold,
My heart is of stone.
I live for no one but me
I have nothing to do with love
But when it comes,
I push the ones who love away
Puncturing their hearts
Over and over and over again.
I feel no remorse,
I feel no pity,
In fact, I love it.

I live to hurt, deeply.
I feed on the pain of others
The ones who care
The ones who love me.
I’ve been hurt, severally.
And now, all I want to do is hurt,
To let them feel the pain I once felt,
The pain I’ve always felt,
The pain I will always feel.
I let them feel the pains,
Until they, like me,
Have nothing left to live for.

This is the beast I’ve become,
The monster I’ve created.
There is nothing I can do
To take it away,
Nothing I can do to fix me.
So, like I always do,
With smiles and laughter,
I’ll hide this beast in me,
And hope it doesn’t outgrow me.

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