Living and growing,
Seeking and searching,
Watching and praying,
Working and learning,

On my journey of self discovery, I wander through life seeking purpose. I commune every night praying for direction. I strive and struggle each day, just so I can transcend each new day. I drown my soul in the ponderance of the mysteries of existence. My life is merely submerged in the wretchedness of existence.

I am a victim of my own inadequacies because I was first a victim of the inadequacies of this society. I give my heart to understand spirituality, but I am yet a victim of my own undoings. I heard it is a predestined world, and whatever happens has been long destined. What this means is that we all are victims of predestination because an ‘unknown being’ knows the end from the beginning.

In this society, I am a victim of religious contradictions. They say we are all sojourners in this world, and there is yet another life in the afterlife. Life here can be pictured in three phrases: continuous strivings, self denial and utter dogmatism. I am conditioned to practicing several religious rites, I am unintentionally taught to be passive and docile. I am bred in more religiosity and less humanity.

I tell myself, I must find my way in the grand scheme of things, but how can I when there is nothing to call ‘my scheme’. In this society, in the midst of plenty, I am yet needy; among many social interactions, I am yet lonely; depression eats my soul slowly, but it is an adventure I have been left to sail solely.

The society defines what an ideal life should be — who I am, who I should be, what my gender roles are, what I should aspire for, why I must get a formal education, why I must be top of my class, why I should marry, but not how I should strive for self actualization.

In my undying search for self actualization, Do not confuse my morality with carnality
Do not take my Christianity for religiosity
Do not interpret my humanism as atheism
Do not take my spirituality for frivolity
Do not confuse my patriotism for jingoism.

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