I’m not strong enough to frown anymore,

I’m not interested in even finding that strength,

not when my face looks like an wrinkled sculpture,

but… I’m held back by many thoughts and I feel choked.


I’m pacing in my thoughts,

being thrown aback by the uncertainties,

and having no one but my mirrored self to talk to,

no one told me a loneliness this strong exists.


So I’m here, with a cigarette pack on deck,

a bottle of strong whiskey, a gun with a silencer,

a sweet little bottle of slow poison, a dagger,

and of course pills to help me cry, struggle and smile.


I can hear the little demons talking to me and oh!!!

they have the loveliest voices, the sweetest to take me through,

but… am I being selfish, are my thoughts being fair,

and am I right to follow through without questioning?


Momma once said “rainfall doesn’t discriminate,

they drop and play sweet music on all rooftops,

so it’s okay to not be okay but…

not trying to be okay is not okay.


In this hour I don’t know what to do,

but I know I’ve fallen really low,

the next few hours will determine if I’ll stand tall,

or still lie low in self pity, so please pray for me.


©2022 Lah Rie

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