Was this really the end of it ? How did everything go wrong i said to myself with tears in my eyes. I had been holding it in for too long . My heart felt so heavy as if I had Trucks and piles of pain, unhappiness & disappointment buried on top of me .”I can’t get out I said to myself crying hysterically . I have to leave all this pain and heartbreak but doing this meant I was leaving my squad . No! I don’t want to leave them I said out loud crying louder & harder. Memories of our good & fun times flashed through my mind. I stopped crying & started trying to think, I thought I was remembering the good times but I was left with the truth I had been running from & blinded myself from seeing . The feeling of pain, disappointment & unhappiness overshadowed the times I thought I was really happy with them . I was hardly ever happy, i had forgotten what happiness really felt like . I was hardly ever there when they took pictures, I was hardly there when they hung out. I pretended most of the time to understand their jokes so I would not look odd . I felt so empty, unhappy & depressed but what hurt the most was that my so called friends never saw any of my pain. They were never really my friends, I was the one pushing this friendship I built but never did I fit in my own squad I brought together. I was so lonely & always felt like I had no real friends when others did . So I tried to hold on & tell myself I would fit even though I knew deep down I wouldn’t. I was so lonely i would rather be around people that would hurt me than be alone & happy. Was I this desperate to have friends I asked myself ? If this was the price I would have to pay, I would rather be alone & find peace, sanity & happiness in being with myself. Months later I learnt to love and rely on myself & around that time I found real people called friends. Never sacrifice your happiness for being with people who don’t care about you for the fear of being lonely. Love yourself & find peace & happiness in yourself and you’ll never be lonely. If that friendship causes more of pain and unhappiness than the other way round, break away .
#breaking away #dreamers challenge #tell community Babcock