Now, before you take a swipe at me from your computer screen, this is not another regular feminism rant insisting that women shouldn’t breastfeed baby boys to give girls a running start in life. This is another type of rant, however, against a different sort of male baby. The adult baby man. We have all come across them. That handsome sweet young thing (yes, I’m calling men syts too. Deal with it) that you encounter as a young girl, that tells you that he “can’t” live without you, and clings like a barnacle, only to break your tender heart by leaving, saying senseless little phrases like “you deserve someone better”, and “the pressure is too much. Let’s take a break, maybe when we are older things will work out”. I mean, what?? And then one week later he has a new girlfriend, probably younger than you, most likely your best friend’s sister. That is the first category of baby men, which some girls accidentally immortalize in their hearts as the proverbial first love that needs must end in heart break.
As you grow older, you graduate to the next level of baby-sitting, for here comes—- imaginative drumroll please—- the possessive adult baby man! Now, outwardly, this young man is everything you think you ever wanted. He’s cute, straight teeth, that wonderful smile, and he looks at you like you’re God’s gift to creation. Your girlfriends are jealous of you, which boosts your confidence to no end. Then the little glitches start. He wants to know where you are every second of the day. He wants to know who you’ve been with, why you are with them instead of him. That’s cute, your love addled brain tells you. But then it becomes worse, doesn’t it? He throws little temper tantrums, whining at how you don’t love him enough. He sulks and pouts, but you enjoy it because it gives you the opportunity to baby him, and there is no woman alive who doesn’t have that instinct to mother something or someone, no matter how young and inexperienced.
Sadly, most girls don’t go past this level of experience with baby men, choosing to settle with their little sweetheart, into a lifetime of double breastfeeding. And I’m not saying that isn’t fun, because after all, he does love her and clinginess may actually be an aphrodisiac for many women, but is it really wise to spend the rest of your life with a man who drains you emotionally and probably doesn’t give back as much as he receives? A man who will quarrel with you just because he feels things are too calm around the house, compete with your children for affection, and get jealous when he feels you (heaven forbid) love the kids, or perhaps your mum more than you do him. Say NO! to this category of little men. Tell him to grow up first, or if you’re the saintly type of woman, build him up. But whatever you do, DO NOT MARRY your potential firstborn son. Lol.
Then there is another category of adult baby men. This is the most dangerous type of man, and should be avoided at all cost. I call this type of person, “the taker”. This man is similar to the possessive adult baby, sharing the qualities of assumed proprietorship over the woman, and nagging to get his way. But the main difference is this: the possessive man truly does love his woman, and feels that the only way to keep her all to himself is to cling like a barnacle on a rock. The taker is a different cup of tea, however. This man works out his insecurities and low esteem on his woman. We have all heard stories of this kind of man, or maybe even encountered them in the form of abusive fathers, abusive boyfriends or that neighbor whose wife isn’t Muslim but constantly goes about covered from head to toe, hiding bruises and bumps from her darling husband.
The taker is the man whose expressions you have to watch like a cctv screen, because you don’t know what will trigger him off. The taker is the man who deliberately and consciously wears his woman down with words like, “fat, ugly, slow, stupid, I don’t know why I married you. You are worthless. Valueless”, and other unprintable words. The taker is the man who comes home from work and demands fresh food and sex, even though his woman is also exhausted from a long day at work. The taker is that man that gets jealous at his woman’s achievements, and tries to sabotage her progress. He is that man who puts you down and embarrasses you in public, but nearly bites your head off if you put a foot wrong. He is all about building his good reputation, even if it destroys your self- esteem in the process.
The taker demands your love, your affection. He makes you feel that they are his dues, and you should ask for nothing in return, as long as he is housing you and giving you children. The taker is that man that manipulates you, and starts to act loving and caring the moment you decide to leave. Don’t fall for it, girls. Nobody needs to spend a lifetime physically battered, emotionally bruised and broken, and in worst case scenarios, dead.
Many women who have given in to self-defeat or who are in toxic relationships with these categories of men, upon reading these words, will try to defend their love lives with the age old argument that there is no perfect man. Of course there isn’t. I am not arguing that. However, there are mature men who make mistakes and are not afraid to admit them. Men who have temper tantrums but don’t hit anyone, or feel the urge to mar the ones they love with their words. Yes, no man is perfect, but dear girls, there are men who are not afraid of your success, who rejoice in your achievements, and are not threatened by your need for space and alone time.
These are the men we need, ladies. A man that will be possessive (we all dream of that man who swears his undying love) but not clingy. A man who is authoritative but not abusive (the thought of a more mentally balanced Christian Grey is sexy, admit it!). A man who will not cheat, who is ready for commitment and lets you know it. A good, grown up, God fearing man. Yes, he does exist and he is not necessarily that much older than you are. No, he has simply honed his mindset, and values womanhood as much as he values himself. Look for this kind of man, girls. Be selective. Refuse to date baby men until they learn to grow up and take responsibilities for their actions. And if you are in a verbally or physically abusive relationship, please seek help. Your mental and physical health should be your first priority, because at the end of the day, you are left alone with yourself. That man can get a new woman. If you die, or become depressed, you can be replaced. Stay beautiful, stay valued. A good strong woman deserves a good strong man. Don’t settle for less, because you feel that is what others are doing. Aim for the best, while being the best, and your relationship will fall right into pleasant places.