I make my way through this world
Like I’ve not known pain
but I have.
Maybe I still do
albeit I’ve learned to live with it.
Pain is painful; there is no synonym for pain but pain.
All my life, my happiness has been cut short by pain,
Laughter has been traded with tears,
Smiles exchanged with frowns.
I’m a survivor
at least I like to think that I am.
To you and everyone else I might just be another one of six billion
but I am so much more.
I’ve survived the hurt and tears,
survived the pain and shame that came with it,
I’ve survived disdain and ridicule,
I’ve survived failed attempts at succeeding and failure itself,
I’ve survived betrayal from where I least expected,
Now,I know better than trust another soul.
I remember those nights when I had no one to comfort me
I recall the days when
I wiped the tears off my eyes myself;
with my left arm I patted my right arm soothingly
mouthing “its okay” to myself.
I read to myself bedtime stories before dozing off to dreamland
where I was always free and happy.
I opened my eyes those mornings and said:
“we would live through this day,Bella
we’ve been through worse”.
I nursed my wounds myself,
I lost my self-worth and found it again…myself.
With time, my eyes no longer held any glow or sparkle
all that was replaced with pain for a while
but it later became empty and unsurprise-able as
Everything became predictable.
I read all the books I could but none of them
took the pain away.
Pills relieved me for a short time
but of my own will I stopped taking them
as I didn’t want to be hooked on them
I didn’t want to be hooked on anything or… anyone.
I was my only friend,my only companion, the one I cared about
I taught myself to smile again
and practised my laughter by the mirror each day,
I had to use makeup to put some highlights to my eyes,
as they no longer sparkled when I smiled.
I grew out of the pain.
He could no longer make me cry,
His voice mattered to me no more,
His words hurt a little less each passing day.
The music and hope kept me going;
whenever I wanted to give in, hope like words whispered life to me
and my strength was renewed.
When his voice echoed in my head
I plugged the earphones in
and hate was replaced with lyrics that gave life again.
I got out!
I was free from him!
His voice sometimes reverberates in my head
but I could deal with that now.
The scars clung like tattoos to my skin but
I could bathe without shedding a tear now.
Even out here, some people still try to hurt me.
They try to but you see
‘cos I’ve survived worse!
I walk through this world with my shoulders high,
a smile plastered on my face,
hope in my heart,
and scars on my flesh – a reminder that somehow…
This piece is aimed at pointing awareness to mental health.
A sizeable proportion of us have been through tough times and some are still going through them.
Please, let us stand up for one another, let’s not demean each other, let’s not make fun of another person’s shortcomings, let’s try to understand why a person is acting the way they are.
Being healthy is not just being free from physical diseases, its also being mentally fit.
– Olúbánkẹ́ ✍🏽