I was introduced to this boy when I was much younger. Errrrm, technically, it was his whole family but what do I care? I liked the way he looked at me, like I was the only girl in the room. I had practically followed up on his growing up process, even though it was a long distance thing. I had read almost all his letters just so that I didn’t miss a thing.
Gosh! He had grown into a fine man with an incredible personality, literally an eye candy, all in my head. Sometimes, I would just sit and fantasize about this man who looked like he had everything going well for him. “I’m sure all the girls and guys alike will fall over themselves just to talk with him”,I’d say to myself. My family knew him, at least some of them truly did.
Then, something happened, He moved to our neighbourhood. Oh no! My heart raced. I couldn’t believe it. I wasn’t even given time to prepare for his arrival. I was supposed to have a change of wardrobe, I was supposed to have learnt more “big” words to boost my vocabulary bank, I should have learnt how to prepare sophisticated dishes. I hadn’t done any. Will this guy be thrilled by my personality as I have been by his? Will we be able to adequately connect intellectually? I mean he was already in the working class while I was still in college – rounding off definitely. Well, maybe I’d just avoid him. I was too fragile for all these uncertainties. I had my personal challenges, those were enough for me anyways.
He reached out, he wanted us to talk, dinner-like something. This guy wanted to talk to me. Ahh!!! I wore my best dress. I was out to make a statement, to impress. He was even more handsome in person, exuding so much love and confidence. He was so kind. My defenses were broken. I hadn’t been able to express myself so seamlessly with anyone else. How could this be? Was he even real? A man, this loving, even in these times when love meant nothing. Apparently, he had been deeply in love with me for as long as he could remember. I did nothing. I could never even do anything to earn such love but He loved me anyway. Well, I braced myself, I prepared for the worst. I mean he could wake up one morning and leave, and feel nothing for me. These things happen. So, I was ready- ready for whatever.
But, he wasn’t leaving me. He made it clear that he was here to stay come what may. I must say that having him closer to me, building a working relationship with him was the best thing that ever happened to me. Like normal lovebirds, we had fallouts but you see, I was with the most amazing guy. He would pull me closer like nothing had happened. He would reach out and be so patient till I take his hand. He would still look at me like I was the only girl in the room. He was always interested in my every detail, no matter how seemingly insignificant. We shared everything, everything.
I’d skip most of the details but let’s just say at some point I needed a miracle at school and even after. Precisely, I needed an A grade in my final project course. I also needed a place for the mandatory one-year internship in any accredited laboratory in the country after school. My senior colleagues had gone on and on to say how difficult these were. I understood. This was a medical profession, things weren’t so easy here. I was really anxious. I feared delay. I needed these things badly. I was getting weighed down, pulling away from my lover, drowning in my thoughts. I mean this was Nigeria, you almost always have to know someone or have a “connect” to get your slot. I panicked but I set to work, putting the necessary things in place. I had gone as far as my strength could carry me, I was helplessly in need of help now.
What! I hadn’t even talked to my lover about how I was feeling, we were supposed to share everything with each other. I couldn’t bear all these on my own. He had been there for me since the very beginning, reaching out, waiting for me to come back. How could I have relegated my lover to the background? He was the centre of everything afterall. He owned everything. He knew me in and out, every tiny detail.
I talked to Him, this man that has loved me so, unconditionally. I talked about my deepest concerns without any feeling of guilt or fear of judgement. No sugar-coating, no forming, no grammar, unashamedly. He responded. He told me what to do. I knew I could count on Him for a lasting solution. I went and did as I was told. I sowed in His vineyard, with all my heart. “You have to give to receive”, he told me. I prayed, I believed, I waited, I tied my miracles to that seed. Honestly, I wasn’t always full of high expectations because I’m human and sometimes the doubts would consume me but I held on. I was sure he would keep to His promise. He wouldn’t promise and not do it. He had proved himself in the past.
I had my grades right. He came through but I didn’t have the other thing. So many things were not going as planned. I got my slot for the internship quite alright. This was my lover clearly. I was overjoyed. This was mine, my own or so I thought. I lost it almost immediately after I got it, it was taken away from me. I was back to square one. My life, literally brought to a stand still. I cried alot. But, I knew my lover wasn’t finished with me yet. He loved me too much to leave me hanging.
He did it. I was restored. I got my slot back in the most miraculous way. He gave me exactly what I needed. He was there. He still is. He’s here to stay as long as I let him.
Let Him! Yes you!