I had to ask someone to scribble this letter down for me. It feels only like yesterday when we marked our 18th birthdays which are only one week apart. We were young, frivolous, carefree and willing to explore life. I remember how I allowed Alex come between us. You had warned me not to trust him but I just would have none of your “advice borne of jealousy”. I really was shallow-minded.
I did not leave Alex even after he had me risk my life with drugs and four abortions. He had a very appealing way of making me see that he was doing all he did for our good. I kept hoping that one day, he would marry me for all the pain he had put me through. But my worst nightmare came on a ‘bright’ morning when I read the goodbye note he had left me. “These things should only happen in movies” I had thought. “This can’t be my life crumbling right before my eyes. How did I get here?”
In a bid to move on with life, having been abandoned by the only man around whom I had built my world, I talked with some of the guys with whom we used to seal deals before Alex eloped and they agreed to hook me up with men who needed girls. It was hard to accept their offer but I had run away from home with Alex two years before and going back there worse than I had left was not going to be an option. I remember how much I wept the day I saw you on TV. Even though I know our destinies are different, I know I could have been a better woman had I listened to you.
Now, I’m watching my life melt away like ice, without being able to help it. Miss Sado, our guidance counsellor was right when she always said that life is not ice cream. ‘It may not get back together no matter how hard you try’ she had sounded at every opportunity she had. I have repented everyday in the last three months but even that cannot take away all I have brought on myself. At 32, with failing lungs, I look 60. I wish that, like a bowl of ice cream, I could be put in a freezer to regain my vitality but I know that this is only a wishful thought. Nature must take its course.
I hope you can come see me before death does. Please tell my mother how sorry I am to have made her suffer so much. I also hope this letter gets to you as it looks like it doesn’t stand a chance.