I felt a fresh sense of bliss wash over me as I drove out of Brighter Tomorrow Orphanage. This trip is the seventh one I’ve made in two months. On one occasion I sold my laptop to buy some provisions. On another, it was the seventy percent of my salary that went into buying food stuff and board game for the children. That’s my way of making up for the guilt eating me up on the inside. After several years of torture and endless nightmare, it feels so good to feel alive again.

No doubt, this sense of feeling released from the effects of karma and death best explains the Buddhist’s Nirvana.

It all began from my first time at kokodome. If you live in Ibadan and you live the ‘nite life’, you already know what goes down there. That day, I dressed myself up in the skimpiest of dress. That’s after all what a ‘what’s up’ lady wears to club. I was just sixteen years and three weeks old. At that time, I felt like I was at the height of adulthood, I was a campus babe (omoge campus) which is synonymous to ‘big girl’ anyways.

I had gone with my friend Sandra to Kokodome that night. Although she disappeared on me barely three minutes we got there. And it took another three days before she showed face in school. Suffice to say she was ‘a bigger girl’ than I was.

It was on that faithful Friday night I met Otito(he was twenty-four years old at that time). I was on the verge of stripping naked all thanks to my rather low aptitude of alcohol, when he hauled me to a corner and made me gulp down some water. That slowly kicked some sense back into me at least. He was a gentleman or maybe not entirely, it depends on what your views are on frivolities. In any case, we got to know each in the biblical sense barely two weeks after that night. And that was where the problem started.

Otito apparently wanted me to be worshipping at his feet since he was my first, while I really just wanted to explore my new found discovery. He became so possessive and keen on my every move. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t completely stonehearted; I really liked him and appreciated all the cheesy things did for me. Until when he made a sex video of us and started using it to blackmail me into staying committed to him. That was a tough time for me…well, it was until my vanity mentor, Sandra found out.

Coincidentally, Sandra had just become an alchemist in world of poisons and she just happened to have ‘the long farewell droplets’ that takes effect three days after it enters your system. And of course, that was the doom of Otito. His demise wasn’t really much of a big deal.

The problem was the last meal he ate was from Iya Basira’s local restaurant. The poor woman died in her cell while awaiting her sentence. She was survived by four kids, the thought of that left me in a limbo of guilt and terror. Her ghost of course didn’t take it easy on me as she hunted me for years before I found the blue pearl (Nirvana) two months ago and learnt that no amount of guilt can change the past and one can only strive to learn from it and become better.

It funny how all those things that were such a big deal to me back then no longer freak me now at twenty-six!

…oh! Sandra is late now. She died from…you guessed it – Poison.

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