I told my dad about you today and I felt the butterflies in my stomach revisit. I told him how your lips curl up like the anthers of a sunflower when you smile, how your jawline looks properly tailored by the master of creation and how your brows knits together when you feign annoyance.I told him of how I smiled like a moron anytime we were together, how I laughed at your jokes not because they were funny but because I felt happiness was capitalized in your words. I told him how you treated me like “my baby” , but you introduce me to your friends as ‘my woman”. I told him how respecting you came so easy for me. I told him of how you chased hard at the beginning and no it wasn’t me forming hard to get but I couldn’t get myself to believe that I could be good enough for anyone, anyone as good as you.
I remembered how hard I cried the night I realized I had fallen in love with you. I thought I couldn’t trust any man except my father, having slid down the lane of sexual abuse and psychological dysfunction earlier in life. I thought I would fail you again like I’ve failed other men that had fallen in love with me but somehow you made me rise above my fears, you told me whether I loved you back or not you will love me anyway and I think that kind of selfless love was all I needed to heal.
My father had always felt sorry for me, the way my integrity was rippled and my esteem was snatched from me by strays of the male folk, he had always hoped that one day I would heal from the wounds that mere words couldn’t treat. My father had hoped that one day I would break the ice edges and be vulnerable enough to realize how I could be consumed by emotions. When I was done with my narrative of you, my father was teary, he muttered ‘finally’ .
Nuel, I’m proud to call you partner on this journey called Life. I hope that our love will never disappoint us. Till you cross the shores again. I love you too. From the concealed pages of a lovewriters’ diary,
Fb_ Tammy Jay