“When staying indoor became the only option, cutting himself became his way of life.”
Staying in a cocoon isn’t his personality. He is an over thinker. That is what he has always been. Being an extrovert made him forget what he can mar him. His extroversion way of life saved him from falling into depression. He pour his anger, resentment and sorrow into his lively life. Loneliness is the cause of his problems. Being in that place he calls a home is the last thing he would want to do.Nevertheless, he wants to be a survivor. Being a victim will only attract pity. He doesn’t want that. He doesn’t want consolation. He is fine the way he is.
Now,he is supposed to stay there. He is supposed to pretend as if he is fine. He is supposed to smile and be responsible. Where the heck will that come from? Well, he just have to summon his façade. That won’t betray him. So, during the day when everyone is around, he plays the golden son. Lying to himself everything is alright.”I can cope” , he thinks. Even though deep down he knew that wasn’t the truth.
So, when the day has gone to sleep, heaviness dawn on him. Sorrow pulled him in. His past crept on him. “I can’t do this”,he cried out. The void kept expanding. The voices won’t stop. The mockery, taunting and betrayals .His nightmare became a reality. Then his blade found him. Cuts upon cuts, he kept going. He couldn’t stop.He fell into oblivion. That moment when the voices aren’t so loud anymore. The pain felt like heaven compared to the numbness.He felt peace. Now,I can rest, he thought.
The prick of an injection woke him. He looked around him, everywhere was white. The sunlight peeking from the curtain was blinding. The machines supporting his life seemed to mock him. The pings were irritating to his hearing. “I’m still alive”, he thought. He started to blame himself. “Why did I do that?”,”Why did I have to land in the hospital?”, “Why did I give in to that temptation?”. He kept asking. I am miserable but this isn’t the solution. I want to be that billionaire I’ve always envision. I want to be better. I want to beat this. Just because I’ve got piles of suicide notes doesn’t mean I’m willing to go now. He kept giving himself pep talks. But, will this do? Capital No! He needs to get help!